Happy Valentine's Day - In a true spirit of love

I want to take a moment to say Happy Valentines -which is ironic because I really do not believe in this holiday.  However I had a realization today that almost dropped me to my knees. 

Here's the thing - I think Valentines Day started out in true earnest a day to show your loved one how much you appreciated them.  However in true western culture we've managed to make this all about the gifts we get and not about the fact that we are lucky if we have someone sitting beside us who loves us and well to be honest puts up with us!

So you ask - what was the realization?  I was sitting in church today listening to people say Happy Valentines Day thinking yea yea yea I don't even believe in this holiday.  I haven't since I was a little girl and watched my father tear my mother's heart out 364 days of the year but then bring her flowers and candy on Valentines day and say I love you!  What a joke - however that is not the story for today.  So while we sang I was looking at the wood cross on the side of the stage and in truth my heart just wasn't in it.  I love Mark and Dev with all my heart but felt like this was just such a false day for me to be participating in.  So I looked at the cross and all the sudden I saw Christ hanging from the cross and I imagined how he looked - really looked - bloody and bruised and cut.  Dying for me.  ME of all people - now if that wasn't the best Valentine's Day gift then there has never been one. 

See here's the thing if someone banged down my door right now and dragged me through the streets while my neighbors hurled insults at me and then put me in front of all those people and said would you die a horrible death right now to show your love for your husband and son I would say yes - in a heart beat.  Then if they said would you die for your other family and your close friends - I'll be honest I'd have to think about it - probably would hesitate a lot and finally say yes (I hope).  Then if they asked me if I would die for complete strangers, the same strangers who were just hurdling objects my way as I was hopelessly dragged through the streets - I wouldn't even hesitate - I would say no. 

I hate to admit it but that would be my answer.  Why should I die for those who hurt me - who don't care one once for me - who screw up their lives and then expect others to fix it - those who care more about things than people - Why????  However isn't that what Christ did for us - He died for us screwed up people without hesitation without a doubt.  He died for us - and if that's not love then I do not know what is. 

So today I give my Valentine's to Christ.  He provided me with a happy family, love like I have never known and things I didn't even know I wanted/needed.  However the greatest thing He gave me was love and saved me regardless of how often I trash His love, how often I turn my back, how often I turn to the world instead of Him.

This realization made me cry during communion - made me realize that no matter how I feel about Valentine's Day - I was given the greatest love of all....even though I didn't deserve it.

So I wish you all a great Valentine's day in this spirit not in the cultured spirit.

What I learned last night from Laura Bush

 I know I know - you could spend hours with Laura Bush (the first lady of our last president George Bush) and still have more to learn from her when you walked away.  Mrs. Bush is a gracious yet humble woman who carries herself with dignity and grace.  However I must admit - I really had no interest in meeting her.  I am just not into celebrities and meeting famous people.  Which is quite humorous because that is what my job is all about!  Anyhow I thought it would be interesting to hear her speech and Q&A but really didn't even think twice about having a chance to meet her. 

Therefore I was caught off guard when my boss was asked to go talk to Mrs. Bush and she asked me to come with her.  My introduction was brief and then from there I just listened to my boss and Mrs. Bush talk.  However this is what I learned in that brief encounter that I will carry with me forever.  My boss, Karen, asked Mrs. Bush if she ever thought her life would be so public and Mrs. Bush answered no that she thought we would have had a very VERY private life and that she would have been very VERY happy with that.  However that is not what God had planned for her and here she was.

In that instant, I tuned the rest of the conversation out and thought about all the "plans" I have had and still have for my life.  I also thought of all the things I am currently experiencing that I'd rather not be doing.   At that moment I understood that my "plans" had nothing to do with my life.  That God was going to lead me somewhere and most likely it was going to take me out of my comfort zone.  Yesterday I would have fought it but today my prayer was that I accept where God is leading me - that I embrace the things I am most uncomfortable doing because most likely that is where I was going to find the most satisfaction and most blessings.

Even last night - I received a blessing that I did not pursue or even think I wanted.  I learned that a shy librarian had been lead in the total opposite of where she expected to go and in that process she has done GREAT things for women everywhere in this world.  Had I avoided that encounter (like I was trying so hard to do) I would have completely missed that message - one that I feel God was leading me to hear.

So today I am thankful for the unexpected and unwanted moment and I am looking forward to the next one!

New Year's Resolution - Not what I expected!

I wanted to start a blog to document my path towards spiritual, mental and physical health. However here is what I’ve learned – when you are hurting so bad you can’t move or you are so sick from an accidental gluten slip up that causes a full blown Celiac attack you just do not feel like getting on the computer to write about it. However I just do not want to give up on this. I feel like it’s important to use this to think my way through my journey. I also feel like it’s important to share my journey if it would help just one person – even if it doesn’t cure them or help them but just lets them know that they are not alone in this world. If I can accomplish those two things then I feel like this would be worth every thought, every word typed – every time I put myself out there.
The recap is this – I hurt like heck almost every day. The few days I don’t hurt I end up having stomach problems or some other ailment like the flu or a cold or the last one – a sinus infection that just wouldn’t go away (like 5 weeks wouldn’t go away). Then there is the rare day that I have a few hours with nothing – no pain, no ailments, no celiac attacks – nothing. Those are blissful moments that I often forget to savor because I’m too busy wishing that I would have more moments like this, or wishing I wouldn’t hurt at all, or whatever the latest wish may be.
Now here it is December 31st and everyone is talking about their New Year’s resolution. So I run through the usual ones in my head – lose weight, eat better, work harder, spend more time with my family, etc. All of these have been running around in my head all day – so I walked outside to enjoy this lovely view from this cabin I am in until Jan 2nd. That is when it hit me. I started thinking about all the things I’ve wished for. I am always wishing I could move to North Carolina. I was pretty sure if I could get up here my life would be complete and things would just fall into place. However here I am looking out on everything I’ve ever wished for and yet I hurt so bad I can hardly move. Seems North Carolina didn’t fix that. I am still having to watch my diet so that gluten doesn’t sneak in and cause me to be miserable for a few days. All the answers to the world and life haven’t magically appeared to me here in this gorgeous state.
I am still thinking about all of the other things I have wished for. To lose weight, to have more time, to not have Celiac, to be more spiritual and on and on and on. What I have done is spent a lot of time wishing for things that just are not going to happen and even if some of them did – it just won’t change the fact that my life isn’t perfect, that I have AS and Celiac. It doesn’t change anything except for the fact that I am wishing my life away.
So my New Year’s Resolution is this – I am going to be happy with the here and now. I am going to enjoy every minute of the time and place God has given me. I am not going to wish I could move to a different state, that I had a different body or that this hadn’t happened to me. I am going to learn to live in this moment and do what I need to do to take of myself each and every day. I don’t want to look back and only see wishes – I want to see a life.
I can only hope that whatever New Year’s Resolution YOU chose is something that will change who you are to the core of your being – like mine did.
Happy New Year and I wish many blessing to each and every one of you!