Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Resolution - Not what I expected!

I wanted to start a blog to document my path towards spiritual, mental and physical health. However here is what I’ve learned – when you are hurting so bad you can’t move or you are so sick from an accidental gluten slip up that causes a full blown Celiac attack you just do not feel like getting on the computer to write about it. However I just do not want to give up on this. I feel like it’s important to use this to think my way through my journey. I also feel like it’s important to share my journey if it would help just one person – even if it doesn’t cure them or help them but just lets them know that they are not alone in this world. If I can accomplish those two things then I feel like this would be worth every thought, every word typed – every time I put myself out there.
The recap is this – I hurt like heck almost every day. The few days I don’t hurt I end up having stomach problems or some other ailment like the flu or a cold or the last one – a sinus infection that just wouldn’t go away (like 5 weeks wouldn’t go away). Then there is the rare day that I have a few hours with nothing – no pain, no ailments, no celiac attacks – nothing. Those are blissful moments that I often forget to savor because I’m too busy wishing that I would have more moments like this, or wishing I wouldn’t hurt at all, or whatever the latest wish may be.
Now here it is December 31st and everyone is talking about their New Year’s resolution. So I run through the usual ones in my head – lose weight, eat better, work harder, spend more time with my family, etc. All of these have been running around in my head all day – so I walked outside to enjoy this lovely view from this cabin I am in until Jan 2nd. That is when it hit me. I started thinking about all the things I’ve wished for. I am always wishing I could move to North Carolina. I was pretty sure if I could get up here my life would be complete and things would just fall into place. However here I am looking out on everything I’ve ever wished for and yet I hurt so bad I can hardly move. Seems North Carolina didn’t fix that. I am still having to watch my diet so that gluten doesn’t sneak in and cause me to be miserable for a few days. All the answers to the world and life haven’t magically appeared to me here in this gorgeous state.
I am still thinking about all of the other things I have wished for. To lose weight, to have more time, to not have Celiac, to be more spiritual and on and on and on. What I have done is spent a lot of time wishing for things that just are not going to happen and even if some of them did – it just won’t change the fact that my life isn’t perfect, that I have AS and Celiac. It doesn’t change anything except for the fact that I am wishing my life away.
So my New Year’s Resolution is this – I am going to be happy with the here and now. I am going to enjoy every minute of the time and place God has given me. I am not going to wish I could move to a different state, that I had a different body or that this hadn’t happened to me. I am going to learn to live in this moment and do what I need to do to take of myself each and every day. I don’t want to look back and only see wishes – I want to see a life.
I can only hope that whatever New Year’s Resolution YOU chose is something that will change who you are to the core of your being – like mine did.
Happy New Year and I wish many blessing to each and every one of you!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

It's been a while

I know it's been a while since I posted and well it's still going to be a bit longer - today I am just posting this letter to lighten the mood - tell you I will be back and well to wish everyone a happy holiday!

Dear chicken company - please note that my generation does NOT require the gibblets to be left in the chicken. It's gross enough I have to touch the chicken at all but to have to dig around their body cavity for 20 minutes trying to loosen their insides feels a little too much like surgery to me.

Personally I am a bit squeamish when it comes to that. So if you would be kind enough to stick those in a separate package and sell them for 2.50 in the same freezer section just in case my mother or grandmother feels the urge to torture me again by making me eat them I would greatly appreciate it.

I mean seriously - I am helping you make an extra buck and it will help me NOT pass out when trying to fix dinner for my loving family. 

Sincerely - Gross - I mean really GROSS!