I wanted to start a blog to document my path towards spiritual, mental and physical health. However here is what I’ve learned – when you are hurting so bad you can’t move or you are so sick from an accidental gluten slip up that causes a full blown Celiac attack you just do not feel like getting on the computer to write about it. However I just do not want to give up on this. I feel like it’s important to use this to think my way through my journey. I also feel like it’s important to share my journey if it would help just one person – even if it doesn’t cure them or help them but just lets them know that they are not alone in this world. If I can accomplish those two things then I feel like this would be worth every thought, every word typed – every time I put myself out there.
The recap is this – I hurt like heck almost every day. The few days I don’t hurt I end up having stomach problems or some other ailment like the flu or a cold or the last one – a sinus infection that just wouldn’t go away (like 5 weeks wouldn’t go away). Then there is the rare day that I have a few hours with nothing – no pain, no ailments, no celiac attacks – nothing. Those are blissful moments that I often forget to savor because I’m too busy wishing that I would have more moments like this, or wishing I wouldn’t hurt at all, or whatever the latest wish may be.
Now here it is December 31st and everyone is talking about their New Year’s resolution. So I run through the usual ones in my head – lose weight, eat better, work harder, spend more time with my family, etc. All of these have been running around in my head all day – so I walked outside to enjoy this lovely view from this cabin I am in until Jan 2nd. That is when it hit me. I started thinking about all the things I’ve wished for. I am always wishing I could move to North Carolina. I was pretty sure if I could get up here my life would be complete and things would just fall into place. However here I am looking out on everything I’ve ever wished for and yet I hurt so bad I can hardly move. Seems North Carolina didn’t fix that. I am still having to watch my diet so that gluten doesn’t sneak in and cause me to be miserable for a few days. All the answers to the world and life haven’t magically appeared to me here in this gorgeous state.
I am still thinking about all of the other things I have wished for. To lose weight, to have more time, to not have Celiac, to be more spiritual and on and on and on. What I have done is spent a lot of time wishing for things that just are not going to happen and even if some of them did – it just won’t change the fact that my life isn’t perfect, that I have AS and Celiac. It doesn’t change anything except for the fact that I am wishing my life away.
So my New Year’s Resolution is this – I am going to be happy with the here and now. I am going to enjoy every minute of the time and place God has given me. I am not going to wish I could move to a different state, that I had a different body or that this hadn’t happened to me. I am going to learn to live in this moment and do what I need to do to take of myself each and every day. I don’t want to look back and only see wishes – I want to see a life.
I can only hope that whatever New Year’s Resolution YOU chose is something that will change who you are to the core of your being – like mine did.
Happy New Year and I wish many blessing to each and every one of you!
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