Friday, October 22, 2010

How do you respond to that?

A little over a year ago I started a blog on about getting healthy.  It sounded easy.  I would blog about my progress and just watch myself get better and better.  However a year later, I think I'm further behind than when I started.  I have had good days and bad days.  Lately it's been more bad than good.

About two months ago I started having problems again and wasn't able to eat or handle much at all.  I waiting about three weeks before going to a doctor.  My doctor was stumped so she sent me to my GI doctor.  He too looked puzzled and said he wasn't sure but thought it might be my liver swelling and my body not healing.

So then I took a trip to my nutritionist who put me back on a soft diet for a few weeks and said that I just needed time to heal.  I was following her diet to the tee and seemed to be doing better.  She told me after 2 weeks I could introduce one item to my diet every two days until I could tolerate food again.

Last night was my first day of reintroducing foods.  Let me just say it didn't go as planned.  I literally ate one bite of meat and then spent the remainder of the night in pain and trying not to cry.  So it's back to soft foods for me - the introduction wasn't a good idea yet.

I guess you are wondering what all of this has to do with my title....well let me tell you.  Today my husband and I got a little snippy with each other and started to argue which is pretty rare for us.  So in the middle of this stupid argument my husband throws the bomb out there.  "Look I'm stressed and I hate you being sick.  I have always seen us together growing old together and lately I just don't see that anymore.  I feel like I am going to lose you and you won't be here to grow old with me".

The question now is what do you say to that.  To the person who is my rock, who is my earth angel and the one I count on to be strong? How do I reassure him when even I don't have that answer.  What if I am not here later in life?  What if something serious is wrong and the doctors are just missing it?

I want to watch my baby grow up and have his own babies.  I want to sit with my husband when we are old and watch our family.  I want to live a life I never got to see my mom live....
So how do your respond to that?

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